I find making this entry quite amusing. The words within the [ ] were actually part of the original entry which I omitted. I thought it was too much thinking and blabbering for today when I was checking for typos, but then I decided to put it up anyway.
[Today was like any other day. Or at least that's what I thought until this late afternoon.
As usual, my day begins with having to wake up to the sound of my alarm clock, only to find myself waking again after an hour later. I get suited up and teach kids how to swim, then I go home to get my stuff for afternoon training. But today, I ran home as fast as I could to get properly dressed for a lunch date. It was something I've been looking forward to since yesterday because someone special asked me out to lunch, namely, the latest girl I've mentioned in my previous post. Unfortunately, due to a mild car accident, our lunch date was cancelled. But I still went to the clinic where she was on duty to have my shoulder taped.
Something already felt off when she called and told me she had an accident. The feeling was a bit strange to me: it was like a mixture of a lot of disappointment and the thought of still seeing her anyway. But it would've meant a lot to me if we could've had lunch together. When I got to the clinic, I found my old PT there too. I was just hanging around until I decided to have my shoulder taped. There was another guy in the clinic with whom she had a thing with. It made me so uncomfy, but i shrugged the feeling off - she was mine at that time.
I kept teasing her about her taping skills. She got the first taping wrong and taped my shoulder again. While she was doing it again, I was teasing her: I was looking from her to what she was doing and back again. I did that on purpose to make her more conscious and cautious. But deep down, I felt like I was flirting with her with my eyes. She was so engrossed in what she was doing that she didn't even look back at me. At that time, I just wanted to hold her and kiss her, but we weren't the only ones there.
With all those things running in and out of my mind, it made me realize how much of a closet romantic I am. In a way, I found it strange; it was something I didn't expect of myself. But part of being a romantic is loving, or at least that's what I think. And loving is a good thing. Bleah, I honestly don't know where I'm going with this.
Anyway, I left for football. It was a long wait, and I wish I could've stayed longer with her. She sent me a message telling me that there weren't any more people left in the clinic. I really hated that. Whenever I try to do a good thing (in this case, going early to training), I end up missing an opportunity like that. Not that I'm planning on doing something out of the ordinary with her, but I just wanted to spend more time with her alone because I don't see much of her, and considering the fact that she'll be going to medschool, I really won't be seeing her.
I miss her right now. I miss listening to her ranting, holding her tight, looking into her eyes, kissing her soft cheeks, running my hands through her hair, comforting her, all of that. But after all of that, reality gives me a hard slap - she's not even mine, she's not my girlfriend; i don't know if she'll be able to love me the way i do for her. Wait a minute... Am I in love?]
My friend called me around 30 minutes past 10pm. He was having drinks with our friends, including the girl. Just for everyone's knowledge, the friend who called me also likes the girl. Anyway, he told me that she was hugging the guy who was also with us at the clinic. When I heard that, I was so disappointed, near to the point of being ticked off. But now that I've calmed down and written my thoughts in digital format, I just let it go knowing that it was nothing. At least she says what she does with random guys is nothing, which I could totally feel. But I wish I could've been the one, because I'm not a random guy to her. Another night full of emotional episodes...
I wish she would be able to go home safe without ANYTHING happening.
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In another story, which also happened today, during football practice, a rumble broke out and as much as I wanted to join in the brutal fun, I didn't because we were all in UP. At first I stood frozen, watching them trash talking each other down until it got a bit physical. Then it happened. I really didn't know what to do at that time, but my buddy was one of those that got in the fight. To clarify things, the fight was between a guy who, for months, have been a little off with the club, and two other guys (both more senior members of the club, and one of which was my buddy). Well, there's nothing much I can say about the matter but yeah, I love sharing stories of rumbles and shit, LOL.
This was a very weird day indeed. I need to get some rest for tomorrow, for some good vibes.
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