When Sam Was Around

Unless Mama is here, I tend to wake up at around noon every Sunday. By then, I've already missed about three to four chances of going to church to hear mass. There's always the scheduled masses in the afternoon but by then, the masses get all sleepy.

My sister and I went to our tita's house for lunch. It's an every Sunday thing we do to keep her company. At her age, it probably gets lonely often, especially after our other tita with whom she had always been with passed away last February. While I was thinking about how messed up my life was, particularly with academics, I was browsing through the bookshelves. I found a very familiar book and took it out. It was a book given to me by one of my titas (yes, I have a lot of titas) when Papa died back in 1999. When Someone Dies by Sharon Greenlee. The book was still in good condition; the pages smelled like the book was still brand new. I began reading and remembered vivid fragments of my younger self and how our family used to be when he was still around. I miss him. Nobody else I know could top how he listened and understood me when I was troubled. I read something in the book that goes something like, "Sometimes it helps if you write the person a letter." Something like that. So here goes:

Dear Papa,
     It's been a while. So many things have happened in your absence. I would love to tell you everything but I guess you already know so much since you're probably watching over us since then. No words can express how much we need you right now, especially Mama. We get by. From time to time I would remember how Mama would tell me what you used to tell her, "Malayo ang maabot niya, Mama. Mas malayo pa sa akin." It actually pains me to remember that because right now it seems I've let you down. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Please forgive me for bothering you. You're supposed to be resting and here I am yapping about my problems. On a lighter note, I dream of you. Rarely. Those dreams come and go, and are a bit blurry sometimes. Are you trying to tell me something? Or is it just me wanting you to be still alive today? I can't promise you anything right now but to keep on being a good son to Mama. Wherever you are, I hope you're doing fine.

With much love,
your (still) little boy




[note: the title was taken from the photo album my tita made for our family when Papa died. Wherever that photo album is, we want it back badly. I want it back badly.]

wake me up when september ends

I've been out of the blogging scene for quite some time. Obviously, there have been a lot of changes in Blogger and I think I need to get acquainted with them if I am to keep this pit of despair alive. I am so full of angst right now. I keep thinking of things that aren't supposed to be important to me as of the moment. They're all just wants, rather than needs. But they matter so much to me. I'm already talking in riddles. Might as well go to sleep.

And to the people who keep coming here to check if there's anything new, thanks. I never thought people gave a f*ck about what I put here.

7eleven Weee! :D

I've been gone for quite some time, and I do miss blogging about stuff. Most of the time I write down my thoughts for me to post it online later but I often forget. Sometimes I even forget that I have a blog. The many social networks nowadays allow us to have a profile page, a photodump, a blog, and the many other extras there is to socializing online. I do wonder why I am registered to so many of them, such as Facebook, Google+, Twitter, Tumblr, Plurk, Blogger, etc. My point is? I forget these things that's why I don't update regularly. I'm thinking of just using three, but nah...

^ I just had some senseless musings there :|

What's new for this page? Well, you can see on the right side of this screen I've added a thingy that allows you to keep track where you've been in the Philippines. Sad to say, most of my misadventures have been concentrated in Luzon (you can't see Batanes much; I've lived there when I was a baby) and some part of Visayas (which is like a second home to me). Hopefully in the future, my finances would allow me to explore more of my country before I could even go abroad to explore new horizons.

That's about it for now. It's my "hell week" as we call it. Lots of final exams and requirements to complete. I could almost smell freedom, but I have to fight for it first. Ciao for now! :D

may kadiliman bago ang bukang-liwayway

[title translated, it means: there is darkness before the the dawn]

My emotions have been fluctuating over the past few weeks. Most of the time, it was just the sadness eating me from the inside. You ever get that feeling when you are aware that you have a lot of friends, and yet somehow you feel so alone? That’s basically what I was feeling.

But that was about a week or two ago. I can’t really remember with all the good vibes happening recently. Funny thing is, there always is a silver lining; the darkness before the dawn, if you will. I am very thankful for reassuring friends, who would keep me company with laughter, stories, and good food. I am also very thankful for a very wonderful and supportive family that showers me with love and attention, always, amidst troubles and worries.

There is so much to share about life, but I have to work on my report for our Principles of Coaching class. Hihi, I won’t promise any new posts soon (I don’t even know if anyone’s reading my blog anyway).

a very bad habit of mine

Hello again friends. I'm back from my sleep in Lazyville. It's already June and I have tons of posts that need be posting. I sometimes tend to forget that I actually have a blog, and regardless of how many people read it, I have to update and post something. I don't mind if people don't read my crap. I just have to write something.

Well, that's one bad habit of mine - I tend to forget that I have a blog. There has been so much going on around lately, that I can't even keep track on what to write about anymore. Quick question: what do I write about anyway??? I suddenly realized that I don't write about anything at all but the crap that goes on with my life. BLEAH... I guess that's the whole purpose of this blog anyway: a dump for all my emotions and stories.

The recent enrollment week (also known to me as hell week in a milder form) is over, at least for me. A lot of other students would still be lining up for subjects and payment tomorrow, until the end of the week. The enlistment/enrollment process in our university is to die for! (...or it's going to be the death of you) One is bound to die during this period due to heat exhaustion, suffocation, and downright boredom and wild varicose veins. From what I heard, there have been accounts when people have fainted (but they didn't die, thankfully). LOL my humor is so shallow, you have to forgive me for that.

And another bad habit of mine is cutting my posts short, when I already have ideas of what to actually write about, because I need to do something else. I'm sorry, but it can't be helped until I fix my schedule.

Ciao for now! XD

the 20th of april

[Finally, the internet's back up. Here's what I was supposed to post here on April 20, 2011]

[Yes, as you may have well guessed my dear reader, I am at Chockiss again making this entry.]

Yesterday was a day of sorts. Well, not really. Maybe a little bit. It was like any other day: I wake up, drink that isotonic solution my mother makes me drink, get ready for school, sit my ass off for two hours and a half, and the rest of the day was mine to waste.

We had to photocopy 44 pages from a book we were supposed to read. While waiting for the copying to finish, we had lunch at a different college. The food at their cafeteria sucked. I have no other way to put it mildly because that’s how it was. My fish fillet tasted like pancit canton (the instant noodles type) sauce, only a bit off. Their daing na bangus (fried marinated milkfish) was too salty. Enough ranting; it was still food, and I have to be thankful for that. I went home after that to put my things down.

After quite some time at home, I went out again to meet with my friends at this restobar, Kyusinero, along Matalino St. Usually a bucket of six beers would range from 250-350 pesos, but their bucket of beer was for only 216 pesos and it even came with two extra beers. It was a steal. There were only two of us at that time, and my friend opened a conversation regarding our group’s issues with our friend, who I happen to consider a best buddy. I also had issues with the guy, and quite frankly, they weren’t nice things, nor were they nasty. Still, they were issues with him. Another friend arrived and the conversation continued. During that conversation, it was bewildering that a friend who was so close to me was also a person with whom I had a lot of issues with. Not just me, but other people as well. And I agree with them.

Also at that moment, I was having a text message conversation with A, with whom I would meet some time around 5pm. And as I recall the events that have happened yesterday, I also remember the conversation we had about two nights ago. I told her that I felt that I wasn’t falling for her anymore. Considering the fact that she doesn’t want me to, I just openly said it with the warning forehand that I couldn’t put it in any other way. After that, our chat conversation was a bit rocky.

Going back to yesterday… A fetched me at around 5pm. I had to leave my friends just to be with her. We went to a certain parking lot at school since it was a bit private during the late afternoon, only to find out when we arrived that it was riddled with a lot of people walking around near their cars. We were just talking about the previous conversation mentioned above. What was supposed to be a happy meeting turned into a symphony of drama. Eventually, we got over it and things turned lighter. I began being very sweet and tender, but it probably looked like I was physically flirting with her. I knew she was enjoying every moment of it, and so was I. And what was supposed to be some tender caressing became a sensual kissing.

Nothing much happened; just that. I didn’t feel anything, except that it was a bit senseless but it felt nice to kiss someone again even though I know or feel that I’m kissing someone without feelings of love for me. I just hope that after a few months I won’t go looking for it again. Kissing people just for the fun of it, I mean. Right before we parted for our respective friends, we talked a lot. I suddenly felt that superman complex, and thought that maybe nobody else would treat her more than the way I do. She’s three years older than me, and I guess age appropriation(?) is the only thing that’s stopping us. I don’t know. I’m but a young fool still learning the ways of life.

Anyway, when I got back to my friends they were already finishing their last bottles of beer. It was around 7 or 8pm. We still had a few interestingly humorous conversations before we went to Kowloon house for light meals. I love being with my friends at this time of night because we get to talk a lot more about serious things compared to what we usually talk about early, or late in the day before nightfall. Then I went home.

easter eggs and that elusive bunny

I hate it when my mind goes blank for a few days. It feels like all the life in me has been drained by some force that leaves me dry with nothing to imagine, to wonder, to write, to laugh about...nothing to do at all. Maybe it's all this dust and heat that's been giving me a nasty cough for almost a week now. I hope I get better soon because I'm about to start training again tomorrow. My tummy's been giving me the signals and signs that I do need to get back on track with fitness and the proper diet. I'm gonna miss my happy food a lot.

BTW, I haven't posted my supposedly previous post (yeah, the one before this) because I haven't finished it yet; it's in my documents folder though.

Happy Easter, everyone. :)

[so i just had a thought: why go on an easter egg hunt when you can hunt for the bunny?]