blah blah blah rant rant rant, and lots of good stuff :)

I am honestly tired of living my life right now. Everything is in a mess - well, maybe just my room, or this house I'm living in. My thoughts are always in a haze; a lot of things are swirling inside my head into a mush. The stress is overpowering my awesomeness. I can't stand it anymore. I need more time for myself. I need to get away from all the troubles of everyday life, from school, from the clutches of the internet - basically almost everything.

I haven't cleaned my room in a while - months actually. I don't know where to put my stuff anymore in this house because of all the piles of books my uncle brings home almost everyday, the case folders and files of my aunt, the never ending piles of clothes that need to be pressed or ironed. Everything in this house is pretty much connected. When someone puts something on a space that's intended for something else, that something else is placed somewhere else, and a domino effect begins. I hope that made sense. I guess that's the case I'm working on right now. The only solution I can think of to get rid of my stuff is to give away or sell my stuff. Although my mother disagrees with that idea on the basis that I need to maximize my stuff, especially my clothes. But that could take a long time because all my clothes last long; some of my clothes have been with me since my elementary years and I'm still using them until now in my 3rd year of college.

Recently, I've been drowning myself in my music. It made me realize how uncreative I am when it comes to playing my musical instruments. Or maybe I am comparing myself too much with people who are far more experienced than me, and that I demean myself. I still want to learn how to play the sax. Kenny G and jazz have been very good inspirations to me. Speaking of jazz, I want to learn how to play jazz with my guitar and, if ever I do get a chance to have one, an electric bass guitar. Bottom line: I wish I could be as good as them, or better. I wish I could think outside the box when it comes to making music, and writing songs. Yes, I would love to write a song - something that has meaning and not just for kicks; something that is worth listening to.

I'm wondering if I'm still doing well in my studies. Fifteen units could be pretty boring; I'd rather have the max number of units I could get and get busy. But right now, requirements are choking me. To think that I aim to get a lot of units just so that I could keep myself busy. There is a price for cockiness.

The frustrations of everyday life. I wonder if it's normal for an eighteen year-old to feel this much pressure internally and externally.

Even with all the worries I have, I still manage to live every day in a good way. It's not much, but I get by. Friends. Family. They are the ones who make me keep going. They give me reason to live.

It's very funny that I express my negative side more, compared to saying positive things. The reason for that is probably because I like to keep those good things to myself, and let the bad ones go. :)